10 attention hoarding shirts by Ceirwen Bennett

Guess what? One of the most popular gifts people give are shirts. They match every possible occasion and some are very budget friendly. The only problem in giving out shirts is sometimes, you do not know what shirt to buy because the person might already have what you have in mind.

There are only way a few ways to approach this. Try using the 2 step plan. First, investigate if that person has it already. Ask the person's siblings or parents or whoever the closes one is. If you are the closest to the person and you know the shirts, you won't have any problem with this. The second step is by buying a unique shirt that you know he won't have one yet or you can even make a customized shirt to make it more unique.

Here are ten of what I call attention grabbing and cool t-shirts!

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/3113/shirt1weinerfw5.jpg 1. The Weiner Shirt- If you are feeling naughty, this might be the right shirt to give! What better way to start your day than someone asking you about what they may see inside the pen?

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/3892/shirt2washroomth5.jpg 2. Washroom Secrets Shirt- tired of the conventional washroom signs? Girls won't like signs like these but guys will flock in droves just to really see what's in a place with a sign like that. Of course, since this is a shirt, it's just giving the girls a hint of your playful side.

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/127/shirt3bananahn1.jpg 3. Banana shirt- Would you put a banana in your pocket? I know I wouldn't. Girls might consider a banana in the pocket as a compliment but guys wearing shirts like this will look so gay that, some bananas will just rot away instantly because as we all know, bananas can't be confined in an area with limited air and space. They must be freed and liberated!

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/3330/shirt4dadvc4.jpg 4. Dad#2 Shirt- Father's day just concluded and this might not be the best gift for your biological dad. In this world, nobody gives a fudging care about number 2. You would know who won the NBA finals back in year 2000 but you wouldn't remember the second placer.

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/3554/shirt5drunkvo9.jpg 5. Drunken Shirt- Cops, give way! Those breathalyzers just suck! No one could beat them anyway. Eating mints won't help. Neither putting a coin under your tongue. I've tried them all. Just ask for a ticket.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/2756/shirt6epicwi6.jpg 6. Epic/ Legendary Shirt- Now, this is what I am talking about. I wonder how many girls would be fooled by this shirt only to find out that the actual size may vary. Can't you see it? It has a fine print there.

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/1482/shirt7worldas6.jpg 7. Globe Pointing Shirt- Remember when you were a kid and you would spin the globe pointing randomly in a place and you will say, "this is where I want to live."? Well, I always end up in the Atlantic Ocean.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/6493/shirt8grandmans0.jpg 8. Grandma's Death Shirt- excuses are also energy drainers. You have to create a believable yet strong reason to get the sympathy of the other. Some do not care at all and this shirt explains it all.

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/504/shirt9stupidsw8.jpg 9. Stupid Shirt- Please, do not wear this with your partner unless you mean it. It is just the same thing as saying I love you. Do not say it unless you really mean it.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/6702/shirt10brainsza8.jpg 10. Brains Shirt- Some shirt are just better than the others. Some are blessed with big brains more than the other. Human beings can't be contented easily. Now, after being blessed in a way or another, they still want other blessings to come. One big blessing is enough. Two is too many. And by the way, this is the most "attention-grabbing shirt of them all"!

A unique gift will make sure that people remember what you gave them. In case they still forget what you gave them, I suggest you hit them in the head and the bump will make sure that they will remember your gift and they might mark it as the most memorable one!

About the Author

Ceinwen Bennett was born in Los Angeles on September 21, 1980. She is a college dropout who decided to pursue her career in acting and theater. She initially entered an economics course in college but realized that her heart was not into it and immediately started auditioning for parts in plays, musicals, commercials and movies.

Dog Days of Summer by Joe Hickman

Dog Days begin July 3rd, but only in the Northern Hemisphere. In the Southern Hemisphere, it's the beginning of Penguin Days.

Today's exciting Dog Days trivia question: - What are Dog Days anyway? - Dog Days are the 40 hottest days of summer, an evil time when the sea boils, wine turns sour, dogs grow mad, and man suffers fevers, hysterics, frenzies, and electric bills.

My dog hates Dog Days. His tongue hangs out so far, the cat tries to play with it.

Dog Days begin July 3rd. Dog Days are the hottest 40 days of summer when all creatures become languid. So have a nice day.

Both Dog Days and Air Conditioning Appreciation Days begin the same day. During the hottest 40 days and nights of the year, Northern Hemispherians sacrifice to the god Freon -- and send their tithes and offerings to the electric company.

You know you've become languid when: * You doze off while riding the Shock Wave! * Seeing Britney Spears on TV makes you hungry for cantaloupes. * While driving to work in the morning you suddenly realize you've already perspired through your pajama top. * The only thing you can do fast is get tired.

To survive Dogs Days you have appease Sirius, the dog star, by sacrificing a brown dog. To appease the SPCA, it's best to use your barbecue grill and sacrifice a brown hot dog.

Dog Days are the 40 hottest days of summer when everybody feels hot and sticky and terrible and grumpy. Except air conditioning repairmen -- who can't get there until Friday because they're too busy getting rich.

Dog Days begin July 3rd, except in Quebec -- where they're called Les Jours du Bow Wow.

About the Author

Veteran humorist Joe Hickman is editor at http://halife.com

LIST OF 12 PEOPLE THAT WE ALL HATE by BIVO

In today's society, I think we will all admit that our congeniality towards our fellow human is often not where it should be. Too often there is road rage or shouting and arguing towards our fellow Earth mates. However, with that said, here is a list of the top 12 people we all hate. If you know or see one of these people, slap them very hard immediately. If you are one of these people, stop it all already for crying out loud, you are a butthead.

1) Drive up to front of long line and then cut you off guy - Why is your time more important than mine. Get your butt in line like everyone else. It should be legal for every car that was previously waiting to take a turn and smash this dude!

2) Cell phone in a movie guy - Let's see, they tell you before the movie starts, you have been to the movies before, what part of turn your cell phone off don't you understand. If you are that stupid, please just stay at home and rent a movie where you can be on the cell phone all movie long if you like.

3) Guy with more items at the cash register then the "6 items max" - Moron it is not around 6, it is 6 items MAX. 12 is not close enough. I wish just once the cashier would say "excuse me dufis but what six items here are you getting."

4) Guy who takes your parking lot space after you have been sitting there with the turn signal on for 5 minutes - Dude, I know you saw my signal and you know this is my spot, get out of that car and you will be keyed for sure.

5) Guy who whistles or hums as they walk - While nice that you are in such a gleeful mood, keep your sounds inside of you. Unless you coach sports or are a little girl, there is no reason to whistle or hum!

6) Guy who chews with their mouth open while eating - Shut your trapper when eating. I saw what you were eating before you chucked it in your mouth, I don't have to see you try to digest it. Scratching on a chalk board sounds better than someone who smacks when they eat!

7) Guy who licks their fingers to the bone while eating - I don't want to hear you slurping your B'Bque ribs over your grubby fingers. Last I checked we were a civilized society. Use a napkin like everyone around you, you freak.

8) Fat guy who takes up more then one seat on an airplane but won't buy two - I would prefer not to sit on your lap thank you and if I am going to, I darn well better be paid for a lap dance. Either mix in a salad every one in a while or buy two seats, your call.

9) Guy that shouts obscenities from the upper deck at a sports stadium - Um the players can't hear you. In fact the only people that can hear you sit right by you and we all think you are an a..hole.

10) Grocery cart guy who is too lazy to walk the 20 feet to a cart stall - Instead this lazy butt perches the cart on the nearest curb and drives away quickly so the cart won't hit their car but rather the next one that arrives - lazy, inconsiderate terd.

11) Guy at Fast Food restaurant taking order for their whole office - And of course this is the most complicated order possible. Hold the ketchup, no lettuce, this one toasted. It is fast food for a reason. When you are behind one guy in line you expect it to move quickly. Tell your lazy friends to come join you for lunch or call ahead.

12) Motorcycle guy who drives down the middle of the white line between cars - Wouldn't it be great if someone would thrust with all might their door open with perfect timing as to send the motorcyclist flying. Of course some how in our soft society, the car driver would get sued but boy would that be fun to watch!

If you found this article useful or enjoyable, please check out my site and other links at http://bivoblogger.blogsot.com

About the Author

http://bivoblogger.blogsot.com

12 Funny Reasons Why School is Good for You by SoulRiser

You know how everyone's always complaining that they hate school, and talking about how much it sucks? Well, they're WRONG! School is good for you, and here's why:

1. School will make you enjoy your job one day, because you'll be able to look back and say "at least I get paid for this crap". You won't be able to say that if you're homeschooled!

2. School will teach you how to present yourself like an intelligent, educated individual when you post things on the internet. Like this fine example, actually posted in the Ramblings section: "LISTEN PPL I GOE 2 SKOOL I GET EDACATUN I LERN THINGZ N THEIR AINT NUTTIN RONG WIT GOEN 2 SKOOL. I GO 2 SKOOL DEN 2 COLLEGE TO GET GR8 JOB MAYBE EVEN BECOME GOOD LAWYER. SO U GUISE NEED 2 QUIT TRYIN 2 GET PPL TO STAY OUT OF SKOOL. SKOOL IS KEWL PPLZ."

3. School will also teach you where the caps lock key is on your keyboard - very important information that you can't get anywhere else.

4. Finishing school is the only way any college or university will ever let you in. The only things they care about are the grades you got for your last year of high school. That's all that matters. What did you say? "So all these projects and tests I did over the past 11 years were worthless?" Don't be silly, you needed to do all that stuff to pass your previous years with high marks to make your parents happy enough to keep on feeding you so that you'll live long enough to finish high school!

5. School will teach you how to contribute to society. We all want to contribute to this wonderful world we live in, right? The best way to do that is to get a job and make money and buy stuff, because it's good for the economy. What's good for the economy is good for everyone! Nevermind that nobody really knows exactly how the economy works. That's completely irrelevant. It's still good. Because I said so.

6. School teaches you how to think. You see, there is actually only one way that humans are supposed to use their brains, and school is the only place you can get taught how to do it. We're all supposed to be the same - all this talk of "individual needs" and such is nonsense. Embrace the hive! Your queen needs you!

7. School will tighten the bond between you and your parents. You'll talk more, and have more exciting discussions about things you would never talk about if you were homeschooled. Things like why you aren't studying right now (even though you're still reading this), or why your teacher is complaining about you for the 10th time. It's just such a unique experience that can't be had anywhere else.

8. School gives you something useful to do with your time. Because, as we all know, the only things teenagers ever do in their spare time is eat, sleep, get high, and screw each other. So, the more homework and tests you have, the better for everyone!

9. School will teach you what true friendship is all about. True friendship is about telling the teacher that your friend told you he was really depressed, so that the teacher can call his parents, and a psychologist will put him on drugs that will turn him into a mindless zombie incapable of feeling depressed (or just about anything else, for that matter). What a true friend you are! Of course, the fact that he'll never talk to you again just shows what an ungrateful brat he is. He'll thank you when he's older.

10. School will teach you how to deal with obnoxious people - the best way is to be as obnoxious as possible, and if you can't do that, learn the art of invisibility. You can't say you never learned anything in school... come on! Invisibility! That's awesome! Unfortunately, the students who don't learn the art of either obnoxiousness or invisibility tend to arrive at school with guns and attempt to kill everyone. Damn side effects.

11. School will make sure you turn into a decent, civilized human being. This is done by punishing you whenever you do evil things like run in the hallways or give a teacher your honest opinion. No civilized human being EVER gives anyone their honest opinions on anything, so it's for the best that you get rid of yours as soon as possible. You wouldn't want people looking at you funny every time you speak, would you?

12. Without school, we would have no technology. Edison would never have invented electricity, the Egyptians wouldn't have known how to build the pyramids, and the cavemen would never have discovered fire!

If none of these reasons have convinced you that school is good for you, you're going to end up flipping burgers for the rest of your life. Tired of hearing that one yet? Fine, you can change it to a number of things. You could end up cleaning toilets, or washing floors, or shining people's shoes, or robbing people, or selling drugs, or you could even end up like Albert Einstein or one of these people. Oh, wait, bad examples. Forget I said that!

About the Author

SoulRiser is the webmistress of School Survival, a support site for people who hate being forced to attend school. More funny school-related jokes can be found here: School Jokes.

8 Teens Accused of Beating 16 Year Old Girl and Posting the Video On YouTube have been Permanently Banned from Santa's Nice List by Alex Russell

Stunning development. This just in from the North Pole Gazette.

In a rare and almost unprecedented move - Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, Rudolph and Arthur Honeytree (the Head Elf), after a brief, spontaneous, top secret meeting at an undisclosed location somewhere at the North Pole - released this statement.

"This kind of behavior is inexcusable and as such, I have no choice but to remove these kids from my Nice List." Santa said. "These kids think that I'm only watching them in the weeks leading up to Christmas. But the truth is I'm watching them all year long. If you screw up in February, April or even June, I'll know about it. You'll be kicked out of all Santa's special programs. You'll be removed from my Letter from Santa program, you will not receive your Nice List Certificate... even Rudolph will dis you. Clearly we have to make an example out of these young teens. My Letter from Santa program is my most popular and these kids are going to miss out."

"The Polk County courts may have decided to treat these teens as adults, but they're still kids as far as the North Pole is concerned." Santa added.

As it turns out five of the eight kids barely made the Nice List last year. And one of the eight was already off the Nice List before this latest fiasco. Santa would not discuss this particular case however sighting privacy and confidentiality as well as liability reasons.

It is quite rare that Santa would issue the dreaded lifetime ban from Santa's Nice List. There have only been a couple dozen cases where such harsh punishment has been doled out by the big guy.

The most famous being Timmy Warchickles who posted Santa's personal cell phone number on his Myspace profile. Santa's North Pole communications center came to a screeching halt as Santa's phone was bombarded with more than 12 thousand people a second.

"That kid is a menace to society." Santa said at the time.

"The Buck Stops Here!" Santa remarked. "I'm the decider! If I decide you're not going to be on the Nice List, then you're not going to be on the Nice List. That's all there is to it! And, I shouldn't even have to say this, but if you're not on the nice list, you're certainly not getting a Letter From Santa."

An Elf who wished to remain anonymous added, "Essentially Santa is the highest governing power at the North Pole. The North Pole is not a democratic union. Santa rules with a white glove. What he says' goes. The United States government has no jurisdiction at the North Pole. I'm not complaining. We wouldn't have it any other way. We love Santa as much as all the kids do."

Rudolph could not be reached for comment, but Mrs. Claus defended the decision saying, "We will not and can not tolerate this kind of behavior."

"It's really sad." Mrs. Claus remarked. "These kids don't realize what the long term consequences of their actions are. Once you're off Santa's Nice List, there are a lot of things you miss out on. These kids will not receive their personalized "Letter From Santa"; they will not get their official "Nice List Certificate"; no autographed picture of Santa, no picture of Rudolph... it's just a shame. We know that the highlight of Christmas for most kids is receiving a letter from Santa and the nice list certificate right before Christmas. They sure do sleep better knowing their on the nice list."

Arthur Honeytree, always the shameless self-promoter added, "These kids are really going to be missing out this year because Santa has designed a whole new letterhead for his personalized letters from Santa. Even the Nice List certificate has been completely redesigned for 2008. These kids are going to be sorry. All the other kids are going to be walking around with their letter from Santa and showing off their nice list certificate and these kids will have nothing, notta, zip. Too BAD!"

Don't forget kids, just because it's May or June, Santa's still watching. And if you hope to be on Santa's Nice List this year and you want Santa to send you a personalized letter, you'd better be good for goodness sake.

Be sure to catch the full length feature story, along with in depth interviews, coming up in "Santa's Workshop Quarterly."

Other features in the nest issue of "Santa's Workshop Quarterly."

- "Dealing with stress. How Santa stays sane!"

- "How a Santa Letter Saved My Christmas"

- "Mrs. Claus Talks About the Pressures of Christmas, Getting It All Done"

- "7 Simple Techniques for Keeping Your Child Believing in Santa!"

- "What Every Parent Should Know About Santa Clause"

- "Letters From Santa Claus, Restore the Magic of Christmas"

About the Author

Alex Russell has performed extensive research in reviewing websites that offer services for Santa Letters. Alex has earned the respect of many Christmas authority websites such as www.PackageFromSanta.com, for his highly regarded articles on such topics as "How to Write a Letter from Santa."