Virgo September 2008 The first half of this month you get to be the boss, and all your subordinates will line up to perform your wishes. But, you have a tendency to see all the mistakes we make, and all that criticizing will catch up to you. Fate will be biting you on the ass on September 12th, when one of your passive-aggressive Pisces subordinates sets your business on fire. You will experience a spiritual vision on September 19th, and you will want to spread the message to all your friends. On September 20th, government authorities will arrive at your house to confiscate your computer and all your files. On September 24th you will receive notice of a tax audit. Happy Birthday!
Libra September 2008 Venus, your ruling planet, will be traveling through Libra this month. You may think you are a goddess, but the rest of us will just see a drunk maxing out her credit cards and cheating on her partner. Those spells that you cast on the last new moon will manifest on September 17th, but you will just blow the money (we know you wished for money, that's what you always wish for). You will "crash" emotionally and financially on September 22nd. You will either wind up on the psych ward or in jail on September 24th, so party hardy while you can.
Scorpio September 2008 You will be feeling no stress and no anxiety during the first few weeks of September, and people may even speak to you once or twice during that time. You will fall in love on September 8th, and you will catch your new lover cheating on you on September 15th. On September 20th, you will either be getting reprimanded by the boss, or you will get mugged by a large male. A Libra female coworker will ask you out on September 22nd, and then she will spend the next 3 weeks telling everyone at the office that you licked the ketchup bottle at the restaurant.
Sagittarius September 2008 You are going to spend the first week of September traveling. Too bad its work related, and you spend 80% of your time stuck in traffic. You finally get to go home on Sunday, September 7th, but its only because you wrecked your car. And, then you get to spend the next 2 days on the phone and the computer working from home. Ha ha -- you're grounded! The rest of the month, you are going to have to work hard and do what the boss says. A woman will call on September 16th telling you that she is your birth mother, and on September 29th, you will call her back.
Capricorn September 2008 Virgo may get to be the boss this month, but you're going to be the one taking the checks to the bank. I see record profits for you this month, and I see you setting up the deal of a lifetime on September 4th. Your mother will call on September 9th telling you she is divorcing your father. She will then attempt to kill your father on September 12th, and you will spend a fortune bailing her out of jail on September 14th. She will move in with you on September 20th. See, money really isn't the solution to YOUR problems.
Aquarius September 2008 All of your friends will be at parties and political rallies early this month, but not you. You're going to be home hacking away on that computer. You want personal freedom, and you want us to recognize you for the unique individual that you are. But when you won't come out of your room for a week, all we see is OCD. One of your bossy Leo friends will try to drag you out on the 12th, but it will turn into a fist fight instead. You'll get laid on September 17th, and then you will swing to the manic phase of your cycle. An ex lover will contact you on September 28th, and you may even get laid twice this month.
Pisces September 2008 Unlike your older brother, Aquarius, you will get out and be social early this month, but you will stay drunk the whole time. At least your brother keeps his issues private, instead of spouting them off to the whole world. You will sober up on September 17th and go home to your family. And, like a good codependent family, they'll throw a party. Its going to be so much fun, that won't end until September 30th. At least you stay out of jail.
Aries September 2008 You should find that everybody loves you as this month begins. But, the fame goes to your head, and you just don't realize that 3 boyfriends (girlfriends) are too many at one time. On September 8th reality comes crashing down. One of your lovers will steal your car, the other one puts your picture on a cheaters website, and the third one calls your mother. You will win the lottery on September 21st, and on September 24th IRS decides to audit your tax returns for the past 10 years.
Taurus September 2008 You are going to spend the Labor Day holiday sucking up to Mom, and its going to pay off. She is going to loan you her credit card to do a little shopping. And, even though you charge up more that $1200 worth of stuff, Mom's still going to bitch about your Pisces sister and praise you. The bank will call Mom on September 9th telling her that she is over limit on her Master Card. All will be forgiven by the 21st after Sister comes home to give Mom something else to bitch about. There is a strong tendency that you will breakup with your partner on September 23rd, when you realize the benefits of self-gratification.
Gemini September 2008 You are going to spend Labor Day with family, because they are the only ones who tolerate your sexual advances towards their husbands (wives). You will get to do what you love during the first week of September, travel. But, on September 8th, you will get arrested transporting stolen property. Your mother won't come up with the money to bail you out until September 12th. You will find Jesus and become "born again" on September 19th, but on September 24th the Judge will revoke your bond for possession of illegal snakes.
Cancer September 2008 The kids are coming home for Labor Day, and you're going to cook like a fool and make an awful mess. Then you spend the rest of the week whining about how sick you are. There will be a family argument on September 9th, and you will spend the whole evening eating everything in the house. Don't worry about the weight gain, because your bulimia will kick in on September 15th. A miracle will happen right in front of you on September 21st, but you won't believe it. So, your guardian angel will be getting a transfer on September 24th. Daddy will show up on September 27th with a 100 dollar bill and make it all better.
Leo September 2008 "You the Man!" Well, at least you will have everybody believing it for Labor Day. You may even actually work on something and surprise the hell out of your whole family. An Aquarius coworker is going to "rat" you out to the boss, and your job will be terminated on September 12th. But then, you were tired of going to work 3 days a week anyhow. Its been at least 3 months since your last vacation. Your partner won't find out about your unemployment until September 20th, and then you will be sleeping on the sofa for a few days. All will be forgiven on the 24th, when your sister's guardian angel will get transferred over to you.
About the Author
Bitching Blaze is a fictional character and resident Astrologer at PsychicBitch.com where you get absolutely free psychic readings and the absolute truth. http://www.psychicbitch.com (This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this bio are included.)
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