Asia is Taking Over the World by Greg Vandagriff

So the latest results are in and it's official: Asia is basically taking over the world. This article is an, ahem, professional examination of why this is the case and what it could mean for you and life as you know it. So without further ado, let's get to the cold, hard facts.

CHINA IS REALLY BIG
Americans citizens are, on average, larger than Chinese citizens. That being said, many cartographers assert that China is, on average, larger than America. Not only that, but the Chinese have displayed a stunning ability to make really big things, like the great wall of China and Panda Express. The rest of the world takes comfort in knowing that China has also demonstrated the ability to make really big mistakes, like embracing communism and poisoning their customers with MSG.

NORTH KOREA IS REALLY CRAZY
When you have a capital named "Pyongyang", you just know that the country as a whole is going to be a little whacked up, but in a typical display of Asian overachievement, North Korea has gone above and beyond the call of crazy. Did you know that North and South Korea used to be the same country? They split up because North Korea was deemed to be too crazy for the rest of the country. Perhaps the most glaring piece of evidence of this is the fact that Kim Jong Il is reported to have fit his glasses with lens stolen from the Hubble Space Telescope.

ASIANS ARE REALLY SMART
Recent studies have concluded that while American students are still ahead in key subjects, such as Hannah Montana lyrics, they are quickly losing ground to their Asian counterparts. In fact, credible sources have reported that 64% of Asian pre-schoolers are capable of passing the California Bar exam on their first try. But hey, you'd probably be a genius too if you had to memorize all those zany Japanese symbols!

I feel that the only conclusion we can draw from this evidence is that Kim Jong-Il needs to consider getting contacts.

About the Author

Greg Vandagriff is the owner of Vandanza, a web consulting firm specializing in content development.