For golfers able to get his/her fair amount of play throughout the season, sooner or later you will inevitably be paired up with some interesting characters. Every year I play I golf, I usually go with my standard group of friends. Though there are times you will by yourself or with a partner and get paired up with some questionable characters. It happens to all of us. There are basically eight types of characters you will come across on the links:
1.Professional in training: This person has the game down solid. They grimace with a par and do the Tiger upswing when after draining the fifteen foot put. You only feel as though you are slowing down their progress when you happily accept your own 92 for the day. These people are either nauseatingly cocky or help you pick up your own game by trying to be more competitive.
2.The Alcoholic. The introductory handshake when joining their group is assisted by a vapor of Budweiser and Jack Daniels as you join this happy band of drunks. You can only glare at the ranger as he tells your group to keep up the pace after the drunkard and his brother have spent minutes looking for their slice shots and the beverage cart.
3.Anger Management Candidate. You cannot always see this coming. You get paired up with what appears to be a good natured yet serious player until he or she becomes unglued the minute a putt or drive is shanked. Duck your head when the club gets thrown. The madman will make the situation even more volatile as he tries to goad the group ahead into a fight by hitting into them just to speed up play. This angry individual vents his frustration to you thinking you got his back. Yeah right.
4.Practical Joker: These guys pull out all the tricks. They have the exploding golf balls, curving golf balls, woodchuck head covers, etc. They are more concerned about finding their cigars lost in their 200 lb golf bags that lining up their next shot. This one is tough to stomach when the group behind you is glaring at you to pick up the pace.
5. GQ on the links. Sure, he has the look down pat. The old duffer hat, Payne Stewart baggies, you name it. The problem is he cannot keep the ball on the course. The attendant driving the beverage cart only glares at your group thinking, is that a friend of yours?
6.Gambler Every other shot is preceded with a wager. Even if you politely decline his first wager back on hole #1, the guy keeps goading you to bet him he can hook it around a tree and put the ball within 10 feet of the pin. As tempted as I am to take such bets, I do not want to open up a bigger can of worms. I keep my wagers with the groups I am familiar with.
7.Death March Hack The is first timer that hits the clumps of sod farther than the ball, though he had a dynamite baseball swing! These individuals do not always appear to be so bad at the opening of the round. I have seen decent tee shots made by these hackers only to be followed by a five and a half hour round of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. By the time your group gets to the fringe, you want to tell the poor newbie, to just pick up the ball before we get assaulted by the group behind us.(see angry man #3).
8.Nature Explorer Most of these people just have a horrendous slice that puts them out of bounds for most of the round. I am not sure if Tiger Woodsy is trying to find every tree or look for as many golf balls as they can find. They disappear into the woods and sometimes will take up to five minutes to reappear. It is hard to suppress a laugh when these nature lovers accidently stumble into a muddy creek. This can be good comedy especially if the victim is wearing the fancy duds (See GQ golfer).
Overall these individuals can make the game even more stressful or can provide some comic relief if you game starts to take a turn for the worse. More of my golf satire can be found at http://www.squidoo.com/playpoorgolfforever
About the Author
Author of golf satire.
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