Leo August 2008 There will be a total eclipse on August 1st in Leo. Its going to be one hell of a rush, and then you will feel the life draining out of you until the next eclipse on August 16th. There is a good chance your loved ones will run out on you at this time leaving you drunk and wet. You may feel like your luck has run out, but on August 21st, your fairy godmother will pop up and transform everything. Happy Birthday.
Virgo August 2008 One more time, you get to clean up after Leo. You may tolerate it after the first eclipse, but by the middle of the month you will have had enough. Its okay to steal from a drunken Leo if he owes you money, anyway. So, take what's yours and run like a banshee. Lock up your valuables on the first day of fall, because that Leo may come back to rob you.
Libra August 2008 You are going to want to spend, spend, spend on the solar eclipse on August 1st. But, you had better return all of it, or the repo man will be there to take it back on the lunar eclipse. August 21st is going to be an excellent day for sex, so be sure to take a bath and shave. You will probably want to go out drinking with your buddies on the 31st.
Scorpio August 2008 The eclipses are just going to give you something to bitch about, but on August 5th you will meet the partner of your dreams and fall in love. On August 9th you will find out that they are already married, and on August 17th they will find out about your criminal past. People really WILL be talking about you the end of this month, so you may as well get a head start with some vicious rumors to get even.
Sagittarius August 2008 You are so badly going to want to get out of your rut with the solar eclipse on August 1st, but it ain't gonna happen! So, you will sit around and spit fire until the lunar eclipse on August 16th. Then, the Calvary will arrive and take you for a ride, but they won't bring you back until September 8th, so don't forget your toothbrush.
Capricorn August 2008 The eclipses are going to have absolutely no effect on you, so quit buying those lottery tickets. You know the only way YOU can make money is through hard work. There will be a big family reunion around the middle of the month, but all they really want is to ask for more money. And, that will give you one more reason to be mean and nasty. You may as well give them the money, because if you don't, you will end up spending it foolishly on Labor Day weekend.
Aquarius August 2008 You will either spend the solar eclipse #*@! faced drunk, or you will give all your money to your boyfriend. You will get into a bar brawl with an Aries on August 6th and spend the rest of the week in jail. A sympathetic judge releases you on August 11th, and then on August 23rd you get caught on camera with your pants down. You won't make bail this time until September 12th.
Pisces August 2008 This month will start up with everyone misunderstanding you again. Why can't the world be what you expect it to be? In fact the first half of the month will be nothing but confusion, gossip, and lies. You may as well bury yourself in your addictions, and not come out until August 16th. You will get lost in your fantasies the weekend of August 23rd, and you will wake up in another state on August 25th. You will get stood up by your date on Labor Day, but then, what's new?
Aries August 2008 The eclipses this month will be setting the fireworks off in your genitals. And, that girl's boyfriend will beat the crap out of you on August 6th, if you don't leave her alone. And, you female Aries may get into a few hair pulling contests on that day. The lunar eclipse on August 16th will bring big parties and big busts. Its probably best to have an attorney on retainer. Your life will slow down after the first day of Fall, and that will probably send you to the psych ward. You will make new friends there over Labor Day weekend.
Taurus August 2008 You are going to get drunk on August 1st and not wake-up until August 4th. But, the partner you will wake-up with will be a pleasant surprise. They may want you to leave, but at least they have a job. It will be time to get down to serious work on August 6th, and your family probably won't see you again until August 13th. Yet, in all that time, you will have only earned $50. Your family will quit bitching by August 17th, and on August 23rd you will buy some special bean seeds that grow into a giant stock overnight. But, when you climb to the top, all you will find is greenhouse gasses. You and your friends will go out drinking on August 29th, and you will spend Labor Day weekend in rehab.
Gemini August 2008 You are going to go spinning in circles on August 1st as the solar eclipse sends thousands of brilliant ideas popping up in your head. Too bad you won't be able to focus on a single one of them. You will just be chasing ideas like a puppy chasing it's tail. On August 6th you will have this great idea to write a crime novel, and on August 9th you will set the manuscript on fire. Travel will go well on August 16th, and you will make good time on the freeway. Too bad the cops will also be handing you a ticket. You will fall in love on August 21st and change your mind on August 27th. Your ex will continue to stalk you through the first half of September.
Cancer August 2008 Leo is getting all the eclipses this year, and you are jealous. Once in a while you would like just a little bit of attention. On August 9th, you will get fed up with everybody's bull, and spend the rest of the day at Baksin Robins. One of your kids will be released from jail on August 13th, but they will screw up and get arrested again on August 18th. You will find peace and solitude at home on August 27th, and as much as you want to stay there, the Universe will drag you out for Labor Day weekend.
About the Author
Bitching Blaze is a fictional character and resident Astrologer at PsychicBitch.com where you get absolutely free psychic readings and the absolute truth. http://www.psychicbitch.com/
The real Bitching Blaze is Sparrow Moon and you can read her daily and monthly astrology forecasts, and keep up on current astrology trends. http://www.sparrowmoon.com/
(This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and th
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