So here I was last night dining on a fine slab a cow and washing it down with a few adult beverages, when it became time to use the facilities. I was treating myself to a more upscale eatery because I had a good month on the job. As I entered the commode, I was greeted from a finely dressed gent who mentioned he was here to assist me and if I needed any assistance to let him know. Now this is not the first time I have been greeted in the lavatory in such a manner but it got me to thinking, what in the heck do I need with a latrine lackey. "No thanks," I said, "I have been doing this a long time now and I am quite good at it." I know in this tight economy we all need a little extra cash but what the heck would ever possess one to apply for this job? And why did anyone ever deem that this was a service that I needed. Are there people dining in fancy restaurants that are having trouble going to the bathroom, washing their hands, and then drying them afterwards? Yes I know that there is a large population of people that don't wash their hoofs after using the facilities, this would merit a whole separate discussion, but this is not my point here! Get out of the bathroom and please let me do my business myself thank you. So upon completion, and after I said I did not need his exemplary services, he preceded to turn on the water for me and then offered me a towel to dry my hands. Of course this unsolicited assistance was deemed to merit a gratuitous tip which I was not disposed to part with - so I didn't and this was followed with a comment about my dearth of tipping. I informed the fine gent that I am a very good tipper for a service that is warranted and frankly asked for. The turning on of the water and giving me a towel, while very kind, in no fashion constituted a cause for a tip other then maybe a verbal one to get a real job! How do you apply for a job like this? What is your title? And honestly, who is the imbecile that determined that this service was needed?
Later in the evening, I needed to use the facilities again but I decided to hold it in until I could find a commode that was bereft of happy helpers. I mirthfully tipped 20% to the waitress who did a fantastic job and used the McDonalds down the street where I peacefully went to the bathroom all by myself.
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