The Six Million Dollar Man Is Selling Hearing Aids by Dan Bimrose

In 1974 I was five years old and there were only a handful of men that I looked up to. A handful of men that I wanted to emulate and be like. They included my father, Evel Knievel, Arthur Fonzarelli, and Colonel Steve Austin.

Since that time I have discovered that Evel Knievel was a lunatic and an egomaniac and that Henry Winkler, who portrayed the Fonz, although a nice guy is about an 8 out of 10 on the "flake" scale. But I still had Lee Majors. After all he was married to Farrah Fawcett, he must of had some super powers in real life.

Boy was I in for a shock when I saw Lee Majors promoting his Bionic Rechargeable Hearing Aid. What a wakeup call. Could it be true? Is the Bionic Man getting old. Are his parts getting rusty?

The most important question, of course, is what does all this mean for me? Am I getting old? Let's see, in 1974 I was five and in less than a month I will be celebrating my 39th birthday. I guess I am at the very least getting older. Could I have a hearing aid in my future? Quite possibly.

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology." I believe that is how the intro to the television show went. Do I really want to be rebuilt? After all it worked for Pamela Lee Anderson. She was rebuilt.

As for me I think I can hold off on the whole rebuilding thing. I can wait for cataract surgery. I can wait for the hearing aid. I have yet to tell my wife to make sure she picks up some Metamucil or Denture cream. And good Lord, I hope I never have to make sure I have a plentiful stock of Depends. I have had the old prostate checked. That was a good time.

I only ask that my boyhood heroes take it easy on me. Take it slow. Be gentle. If Lindsay Wagner of "Bionic Woman" fame could wait a few years before she starts peddling her chain of replacement hip centers that would be wonderful.

The next thing you are going to tell me is that Pete Rose is banned from baseball.

About the Author

Dan Bimrose is the creator of coffeeandprozac.com a website devoted to making people think, laugh or cry. Daily Opinions, Editorials, and Stories He suggests dropping bread crumbs so that you can find your way back on a daily basis.